Grief doesn't follow a schedule
Healing doesn't happen on a timeline
“Are you doing better?”
“How long has it been?”
“Have you gotten over it yet?”
“Isn’t it time to move on?”
“When will you be ready to date again?”
Maybe you've been asked some or all of these questions.
Maybe you've asked them of yourself.
When am I going to feel normal again?
Grief is long and hard. We want to be “better.” We want to feel normal again. And it's uncomfortable for other people to watch us hurt. Our friends and family want that for us too. They want to fix our sadness. They want “us” back.
But the truth is, you won't be the same person you were before your loss.
Losing your spouse will forever change you, and it takes time to navigate everything that comes with that loss.
I know that when I was asked some of these questions, it made me feel like I needed to be further along than I was. It felt like I wasn't grieving the right way because I was still so sad. I missed Jon terribly. It felt like I was failing because my grief was still so present.
I wanted to know when it was going to end.
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Giving yourself grace when a season of life feels impossibly long
Fall has fully arrived in all its glory here in New Hampshire, and it’s beautiful. The leaves are bright reds, oranges, and yellows, our deck is covered with fallen leaves, pumpkins are everywhere, and the temperature is getting cooler.
While summer is definitely my favorite season (I love being warm), I truly love the seasons we have here.
There is something special about watching the world change around us.
The trees change color. The leaves fall. The days get shorter. Winter comes. Eventually the snow melts, the flowers begin to bloom, and summer returns.
Each season has its own beauty.
But I've also learned that appreciating the changing seasons of the year doesn't mean I appreciate every season of life.
Some seasons of life are hard. Really hard.
And sometimes they last a whole lot longer than we thought they would.
If you've ever lived through a New Hampshire winter, you know what I mean.
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