When Thanksgiving Feels Heavy, Not Happy
Thanksgiving is on Thursday. This can be such a difficult holiday for so many. And perhaps you find yourself dreading it this year.
Maybe there’s an empty chair at the table that didn’t used to be there.
Perhaps the traditions you once held so tightly now feel unimportant.
Maybe instead of excitement and anticipation, you’re feeling sadness and dread.
Perhaps the traditions you once held so tightly now feel unimportant.
Maybe instead of excitement and anticipation, you’re feeling sadness and dread.
It’s okay if you aren’t looking forward to Thanksgiving. You don’t have to force gratitude that isn’t genuine. God isn’t disappointed in you for feeling the weight of your loss.
And maybe things need to be different this year.
When I was deep in grief during those first few holidays, it was hard to get into the spirit of the season. I missed Jon so much and felt like grief would always be heavy. It was easy to give in to despair and anger – and for a while, I did – but that only made the heaviness worse. Over time, I found I had to be intentional with my thoughts. Choosing to focus on Christ and His promises helped me notice the small blessings right in front of me. It didn’t take away the grief, but it helped refocus my heart so I wouldn’t stay trapped in isolation and bitterness.
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Gratitude Doesn't Cancel Grief
The first time I didn’t cry myself to sleep after my husband passed, I felt guilty.
Was I forgetting him?
Was I forgetting him?
When I found myself enjoying little blessings — a kind friend who showed up with a meal, the sand in my toes at the beach, or a song that brought comfort — I wondered if my grief was fading.
It sometimes felt like if I was happy or enjoying something, I wasn’t missing Jon enough. But that simply wasn’t true.
It took me a long time to realize that gratitude doesn’t erase grief. They can exist together. Both can be true.
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When Gratitude Feels Impossible
Grief is hard.
It’s heavy.
It’s an impossible burden to carry.
It’s heavy.
It’s an impossible burden to carry.
It feels like you’re always going to feel this way. You’re angry, sad, overwhelmed, and completely spent. There are endless questions — Why did this happen? Why do I have to feel this way? When will it stop? You can’t imagine ever moving through the grief to the other side. And part of you doesn’t even want to, because that might mean you’re forgetting.
Grief can feel intense, exhausting, and completely unfair.
I get it. I experienced all of this when my husband passed. Some days, the weight of it all made it nearly impossible to get out of bed. Other days brought a brief sense of relief — only to be followed by guilt because maybe I wasn't missing him enough.
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Two years ago I started this blog because of a desire God had placed on my heart to minister to those who have experienced loss. But if I’m honest, I delayed starting it because I didn’t feel ready or qualified.
I was terrified that no one would read it.
I was afraid I would have nothing to say.
I didn’t feel like I was a very good writer.
All of these excuses are just that...excuses. They’re nothing more than delayed obedience. When God calls us to do something, He often does it to show His strength, not ours. When I finally stepped out in obedience, I was afraid, but God has always provided.
He gives me words when I have none.
He shows me the topics to write about.
He provides encouragement when I need it.
God has used this blog in my life to continue my healing journey, to help me share thoughts and feelings that you may relate to, and has allowed me to meet some amazing people and reconnect with others because of this space! I’m so thankful!
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Week 5: Grateful for Love—Then and Now
This part of my story holds both deep sorrow and unexpected joy.
I will always be grateful for the godly man I was privileged to call my husband. He was strong, faithful, and deeply committed to our family. He prayed over us, led us with wisdom, and lived his life in a way that quietly impacted so many. His love shaped me. His example pointed others to Christ. I miss him every day.
Even now, years later, I still feel his absence. I still tear up when I hear certain songs or see our children do something he would have been proud of. And yet, woven into that grief is gratitude. Deep, steady, sacred gratitude—for the years we had, the memories we made, and the way God used him to leave a lasting legacy.
And then… God surprised me.
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