When Loss Is More Than a PersonThe unseen shifts of life after loss
When a loved one dies, it’s easy to see what is lost. But the loss is so much bigger than just the person.
When my husband Jon passed away, I had no idea the magnitude of loss I was facing. Of course, I grieved losing him—but as the days and months went on, I realized there were so many other pieces of my life that disappeared with him.
One of the hardest parts was the loss of identity. Overnight, I went from being a wife to being a widow. I had also been Jon’s caregiver for 3 ½ years, a role I never expected to take on but one that became my full-time job. Suddenly, that role was gone, and I was left with empty hands and an aching heart, unsure of what to do with myself. I also became a single mom in an instant, carrying the weight of parenting alone while grieving at the same time. On top of that I had to adjust to losing my identity as a pastor’s wife. For years, that had shaped the way people saw me and my role in the church, and it took a long time to unravel and learn how to simply be a regular church member.
Grief isn’t just about who you lose, but also about the unexpected people and routines that become part of your life during a long illness. Jon’s doctors and nurses had become part of our lives—people we saw regularly who cared so deeply for him. I never would have chosen those relationships under normal circumstances, but because of his cancer, they became part of our everyday life. Their kindness, compassion, and presence were woven into our routine, and when Jon died, those visits ended—and so did those relationships. Losing Jon meant losing not only him, but also the entire web of people and rhythms that had become my normal.
And then there was the loss of security. I became the only adult in the house. At night, when the quiet settled in, I often felt vulnerable, lonely, and anxious. Financial security was another struggle. As a stay-at-home mom, our world shifted dramatically with Jon’s passing. It was another layer of grief I hadn’t anticipated.
The truth is, losing a spouse is never just about losing the person. It’s about losing so many parts of the life you built together. And when those pieces fall away too, the grief feels impossible to explain.
If you’re walking this road right now, please know—you’re not alone. I see you. More importantly, Jesus sees you. He is near to the brokenhearted, and He offers His rest when you feel weary.
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28–29)
If you’re walking through grief and need a quiet place to process, I have created resources specifically for you in my Etsy shop, HOPE & HARMONY PAGES. These three digital printables work on their own and hand in hand with each other:
30 SCRIPTURE CARDS FOR GRIEF. If you know someone these might encourage, I would be honored if you’d share these resources—and my blog—with them.
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