This year began very differently than I expected.
On January 1st, my daughter threw me a surprise 50th birthday party. It was so much fun, full of laughter, and such a gift. I’ve been counting down the days to turning 50, genuinely excited to celebrate this milestone.
Just two and a half weeks later, I found myself in the ER with excruciating back pain.
Let’s rewind a bit.
I’ve dealt with lower back issues on and off for years. When they flare up, I usually know what to do—ice, essential oils, a few chiropractic visits—and before long, I’m back to normal. But sometime in May, something changed.
At first, it was just an annoyance. A little discomfort that I assumed would resolve itself like it always had. I continued icing and seeing my chiropractor, but I didn’t slow down much else. Instead of improving, it steadily worsened.
Trusting God Through Grief and Quiet
I’ve always been someone who likes to stay busy. There’s something comforting about crossing things off a to-do list, filling the day with tasks, and feeling like I’ve accomplished something. But if I’m honest, sometimes the busyness is just noise.
As a widow, I’ve learned that staying busy can feel like survival. It keeps my mind occupied, gives me purpose, and—let’s be real—it can help me avoid the heavy feelings and thoughts I don’t always want to face. Grief has a way of sneaking in during the quiet moments, so for a long time, I filled my life with movement and distraction.
But the truth is, I’ve also discovered that God often meets me—not in the chaos, but in the stillness.
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