Missing Someone Isn’t the Same as Being Stuck in Grief
Why love and loss can coexist long after life moves forward
One of the things people often misunderstand about widowhood is the idea that if you still miss someone, you must not be “moving forward.”
I’ve heard versions of this over the years, sometimes spoken gently and sometimes just implied. The assumption is that healing means the absence of grief. That if you are doing well, functioning, rebuilding life, or even finding joy again, then the missing should disappear too.
But that’s not how grief works.
And it’s not how love works either.
Missing Jon today does not mean I am stuck in the past. It simply means he mattered deeply in my life. There is a difference between being stuck in grief and still carrying love for someone who is no longer here.
For me, grief has changed shape over the years. It is no longer the constant, heavy weight it once was in the early days. I am not living in survival mode anymore. I am not waking up every day trying to figure out how to get through the next hour.
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Do You Ever Stop Being a Widow?
Why widowhood remains part of my story nearly 17 years later
This post is the first in a series called What People Don't Understand About Widowhood, where I'll be sharing some of the realities of grief, healing, faith, and rebuilding life after loss that people often don't see.
One of the questions people don't ask out loud, but often seem to wonder, is this:
At some point, do you stop being a widow?
After all, it's been nearly 17 years since Jon passed away.
My children are grown.
One has graduated from college, and the other is entering his senior year.
I've rebuilt a life I never expected to have.
And I've been happily remarried to Heath for over eight years.
From the outside, it might seem like widowhood belongs in my past.
But the answer is no.
I am still a widow.
And I am also a wife.
Both things are true.
When Jon died, widowhood felt like the only thing I could see. Everything in my life was divided into "before" and "after."
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