Learning to Walk Again
How to Take the Next Step After Losing Your Husband
When I lost Jon, I not only lost my husband, my best friend, the father of my children, I also lost our future together. I lost our goals and dreams. I lost the man I was going to grow old with and retire with. I lost trips we wanted to take, projects for our house we were thinking about, and family moments we would never have. I lost watching him walk our daughter down the aisle, helping our son buy his first car, and having grandbabies together.
Losing a spouse is so much more than the loss of a person. It’s also a loss of everything that person meant in your life. You were a team working together for a purpose, and when that is suddenly gone, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath your feet. You’ve lost your balance, and you have no idea how to get it back because the one who kept you balanced is now gone.
How are you supposed to recover from that?
How do you move forward when you can’t even figure out how to move at all?
How do you plan for a future when you can’t even figure out how to plan the next day?
Moving forward can feel impossible.
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When It Feels Like God Is Silent
Where is God when you're grieving?
“Where is God when you're grieving?”
It's a question almost every widow asks at some point.
Sometimes we don't say it out loud because we're afraid of what it means.
If God feels silent, does that mean I don't have enough faith?
Maybe I haven't prayed enough.
Maybe I haven't read enough Scripture.
Maybe I haven't trusted Him enough.
Maybe if I just did more, He would finally show me what to do.
I've been there.
After Jon died, I went through some very dark valleys when it felt like God wasn't there.
I struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time. During this season, I was reading my Bible. I was praying. I was trying to understand what God was doing and trying desperately to trust Him in the middle of it.
But God seemed silent.
The God I loved and trusted wasn't showing me the way out.
It was the hardest season of my life.
And when you're hurting that deeply, it's easy to turn inward.
Why me?
Why did Jon have to die?
Why am I struggling so much?
When is this going to end?
I was still grieving deeply, and it felt like there was no relief in sight.
And then there was the spiritual guilt.
I felt like I should be trusting God more.
I should be doing better.
I should have more faith.
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