As a young widow with small kids, finances were often tight. There was usually more month at the end of the money, and I had to figure out how to make ends meet. I couldn’t understand where the money was going each month.
After talking with a trusted mentor, I took a hard look at my finances. There were many expenses I couldn’t do anything about - we had to have heat, we needed electricity and car insurance, but the category I knew I could do something about was food. I realized I needed to plan my grocery shopping better. I tended to buy food because it was on sale or it sounded good, but I didn’t necessarily have a plan for that particular item I was buying. I needed a better way of doing things. So I started dipping my toe into meal-planning.
Read more...I can’t tell you exactly how it all occurred, or when we became interested in each other, but we did. I knew Heath from church. We were both involved in the music at church, so we would see each other pretty regularly at rehearsals. We would talk at rehearsal and at church on Sunday mornings and once in a while we would chat on social media. The more we talked, the more I liked him.
And then it happened.
On Valentine’s Day, 2016, Heath asked me for my phone number. He called me a couple days later and asked me out on a date. My first date since Jon had passed. My stomach did flip flops, but of course I said yes!
I was feeling ALL the feelings. Excited, nervous, unsure, happy...it was overwhelming. I tried not to get too far ahead of myself, but I wondered what God was up to. When I told my kids that I had a date, Jillian said, “Is Mr. Bailey going to be our new Dad?” I explained to her that it didn’t quite work that way - it takes time and many dates before deciding on a big commitment like that.
When I first became a widow, I never thought I would remarry. Falling in love and getting married again was something I was very opposed to. But God had other plans.
Shortly after Jon passed in July of 2009, Jillian, who was 7 at the time asked me, “Are we going to get a new Daddy?” I was completely surprised by this question and wasn’t sure how to respond. It had literally only been a few weeks since Jon passed, and I wasn’t ready to even begin to think about anything like that.
Of course, in her mind, it was the most logical thing in the world. It just made sense that a family had a mommy AND a daddy. So I told her the only thing I could, and that was for her to pray about it.
Read more...I was working on a series for the blog a couple of days ago that I was finding challenging. I was struggling to make sense of what I wanted to say, the words just out of reach. Circumstances were weighing on my mind and kept getting in the way of what I was trying to communicate, and I felt distracted.
I have been dealing with lingering fatigue from a virus I got about 4 weeks ago. I thought I was better, until I wasn’t. It’s been challenging, and I have had to carve out time to rest. Things I have been planning to do have been put on the back burner.
As I tried to focus and the burdens seemed to keep piling up, I began to have a sense of dread and to feel overwhelmed. How was I going to get my ever growing list done? How could I keep up with my tasks when I have to intentionally take time out of my day to rest? How can I help this person that is going through a difficult time? My brain was spinning, my heart was in turmoil.
Read more...Being a widow is a journey that I never anticipated I would experience. I don't know why God chose to put me on this path, but I do know that He has been with me every step of the way. I want to share some surprising things that I have discovered along the way, and if you are experiencing these things too, know you are not alone.
1. It won’t always feel this intense.
The shock of fresh grief can be incredibly heavy. It consumes your entire being. But it won’t always feel like this. I wish I could give you a timeline, but everyone’s grief journey is unique to them. But I can tell you that over time, the intensity will ease.
2. Grief sneaks up on you at unexpected times.
An anniversary, birthday, holiday can all be triggers for grief. But sometimes grief takes you by surprise - a smell, a commercial, a reflex to call your deceased spouse. Grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows and sometimes shows up out of the blue. This is completely normal, although I know it can be unanticipated.
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