I was working on a series for the blog a couple of days ago that I was finding challenging. I was struggling to make sense of what I wanted to say, the words just out of reach. Circumstances were weighing on my mind and kept getting in the way of what I was trying to communicate, and I felt distracted.
I have been dealing with lingering fatigue from a virus I got about 4 weeks ago. I thought I was better, until I wasn’t. It’s been challenging, and I have had to carve out time to rest. Things I have been planning to do have been put on the back burner.
As I tried to focus and the burdens seemed to keep piling up, I began to have a sense of dread and to feel overwhelmed. How was I going to get my ever growing list done? How could I keep up with my tasks when I have to intentionally take time out of my day to rest? How can I help this person that is going through a difficult time? My brain was spinning, my heart was in turmoil.
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Being a widow is a journey that I never anticipated I would experience. I don't know why God chose to put me on this path, but I do know that He has been with me every step of the way. I want to share some surprising things that I have discovered along the way, and if you are experiencing these things too, know you are not alone.
1. It won’t always feel this intense.
The shock of fresh grief can be incredibly heavy. It consumes your entire being. But it won’t always feel like this. I wish I could give you a timeline, but everyone’s grief journey is unique to them. But I can tell you that over time, the intensity will ease.
2. Grief sneaks up on you at unexpected times.
An anniversary, birthday, holiday can all be triggers for grief. But sometimes grief takes you by surprise - a smell, a commercial, a reflex to call your deceased spouse. Grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows and sometimes shows up out of the blue. This is completely normal, although I know it can be unanticipated.
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Small habits have made a big difference in my life. Choosing to set small, measurable goals instead of big, lofty ones have helped me be more successful in bringing order and simplicity to my life. As a widow with young kids, this also helped keep me from feeling overwhelmed as I tried to navigate being a single Mom. I couldn’t even fathom trying to accomplish a big change, but little tweaks and creating systems around what I was already doing was sustainable and saved my sanity.
I didn’t start all of these small habits at once. They came about over many years as a need arose, a stress point became frustrating, or as I saw something I wanted to change or add into my routine. I didn’t realize how life-changing these small habits would be and how they would free up so much time and mental clutter.
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In October and November, 2023, I began experiencing pain in my right arm and shoulder. I could still use it for the most part, but it was steadily getting worse, even with rest. In January, I decided to get it checked out and was referred to Physical Therapy. At first they thought it was a rotator cuff strain, but it quickly became clear it was a frozen shoulder when I began losing range of motion. This was very unexpected, very painful and certainly not something I would have chosen.
Frozen shoulder is most common in women ages 40-65 with no injury. It occurs because estrogen, which is a vital anti-inflammitory, is decreasing. Lucky me!!! I fit right into that category!
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Happy New Year! Can you believe it’s 2025? Time keeps speeding up, and I wish I could slow it down a bit.
How was your 2024? Did you meet some goals? Did you change some habits? Or was 2024 a year of survival for you?
The New Year promises change and growth, but not always in the way we think. For me, 2024 was not what I expected. God allowed things to happen that I never anticipated, but I grew because of it.
In January of 2023 my son, Josiah, was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, Pawassan Virus and Epstein Barr. Shortly after that diagnosis we learned he also had pneumonia, which ended up being a stubborn case and took a while to resolve. He became quite sick, lost a lot of weight, strength and stamina.
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