When I first became a widow, I never thought I would remarry. Falling in love and getting married again was something I was very opposed to. But God had other plans.Shortly after Jon passed in July of 2009, Jillian, who was 7 at the time asked me, “Are we going to get a new Daddy?” I was completely surprised by this question and wasn’t sure how to respond. It had literally only been a few weeks since Jon passed, and I wasn’t ready to even begin to think about anything like that.
Of course, in her mind, it was the most logical thing in the world. It just made sense that a family had a mommy AND a daddy. So I told her the only thing I could, and that was for her to pray about it.
And she did!
She prayed faithfully for many years that God would bring her a new daddy.
I, however, was not open to praying about it. I felt like it was too hard to open up that part of me again and let in love that could end in tragedy like it did with Jon. I just couldn’t go through it all again.
As time went on, grief was intense, life got really, really hard, and we ended up moving to New Hampshire in 2013 to be closer to family.
After our move, God gently worked in my life. He helped me heal and let go of things that I didn’t need to hold on to anymore. He showed me how my desire for control was causing so much stress and anxiety, and it was really an illusion. He is ultimately in control.
He broke down the walls in my life that I had built to try to protect myself from ever experiencing such heartache again. Walls like self-preservation, isolation, and pride came down piece by piece, and His peace, joy and hope flooded.
In July, 2015, God made it VERY clear to me that it was time to start praying about getting remarried. It felt like it came out of the blue, but as I look back on that time, I can see how God was gently moving to prepare me to open my heart again.
I kept it to myself for several months, and in October, I decided to share it with my parents. When I told them, their response was, “It’s about time!” They, like Jillian and so many others, had been praying about this for years, and it was an answer to their prayers.
God didn’t waste any time bringing someone into my life!
Part 2 next week.
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