Losing a spouse is one of the hardest things anyone can experience. When I first lost my husband, my initial response to his death was shock. I experienced a variety of symptoms of shock that you may also be experiencing. This topic will be broken up into three blog posts. This first one is my experience with shock when I lost my husband, the second post is how I was helped by my friends and family, and the third is a few suggestions to help you cope with shock.
My husband passed away in a hospital after a straightforward procedure went wrong. When the doctor informed me what had happened during his surgery, I went into shock. My arms and legs went numb, and I collapsed on the hospital floor. A nurse put smelling salts under my nose, and I quickly revived but began to sob uncontrollably, as I realized the implications of what had happened. A kind nurse called my parents, so they could be there as quickly as possible.
I collapsed a second time shortly before Jon died. I was so overwhelmed. Everything was happening so quickly, and I couldn’t process it all.
Jon lived just over 24 hours following that procedure. As soon as the nurse said he had passed, began to shiver uncontrollably, and I felt numb and light-headed. A nurse brought me a heated blanket, and while I was thankful for the warmth, it did little to alleviate my shivering. The intense emotions I had earlier in the day seemed to disappear. Although I could hear what was happening around me, I had difficulty responding.
During that first night without him, all of the emotions that had withdrawn came flooding back. The tears I cried were painfully hot, reminding me over and over that my husband really was gone.
There was an intense and persistent feeling of nausea that lasted for several days, making it nearly impossible for me to eat as it would instantly turn my stomach. My parents kept trying to get me to eat, as I would need the strength to get through burying my husband, but it was very difficult.
My memory of the day Jon died is spotty and hazy. What I do remember gives me the sense of being an observer rather than an active participant, as I watched the circumstances unfold.
This just scratches the surface of the shock that I experienced. So many things happened, and I could write a book about the first couple of days after losing my husband. I am sure you can relate. Losing Jon was so hard.
I am thankful for how God showed up through my friends and family in big and small ways. In the next post, I will share how I was supported by my loved ones, while in the midst of shock.
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