The Benefits of Acceptance
Acceptance is a critical milestone in the grieving process. It allows for genuine healing to begin. By facing the reality of your loss, you open the door to emotional recovery. Acceptance also fosters resilience by helping you to adapt to your new life circumstances. This stage can bring a sense of peace and relief, freeing you from the heaviness of intense grief and denial. It enables you to cherish the loving memories of your spouse without being consumed by overwhelming sorrow.
In my life, I have noticed that the stages of grief come and go. They are intertwined, and sometimes I have found myself in more than one stage at the same time. Acceptance is a process. I believe I went in and out of acceptance and back into several of the other stages before finally fully settling in acceptance. There have been times when I have relapsed into an earlier stage due to a difficult life circumstance or a sudden loss that took me by surprise, and I would fall back into depression or anger. Difficult seasons have taken me right back to the trauma of the events surrounding my husband’s illness and death, and I feel like I am grieving all over again. But it doesn’t last, and I find that even though it is challenging to get through, acceptance is right around the corner.Full acceptance, for me, happened after we moved to New Hampshire to be closer to family. It didn’t happen as soon as we moved, but I could feel hope growing over time until I knew I had fully accepted my husband’s death. God did amazing healing in my life in those first couple of years after moving, and I am so thankful for the hope I have because of Him. Did I still miss my late husband? Absolutely! Did I still struggle with grief? Of course. Especially at certain times of the year and big milestones for my kids. But it didn’t consume me anymore, and hope never left.
The Dangers of Acceptance
As transformative as acceptance can be, it also has potential pitfalls. The danger lies in mistaking acceptance for resignation. True acceptance is proactive and life-affirming; it’s about trusting God to guide you as you move forward, and not giving in to despair. For some, it might invite fleeting feelings of guilt, as though moving forward means leaving a loved one behind.
I definitely experienced this. I felt like leaving my depression and anxiety behind meant I didn’t miss Jon as much, and that he wasn’t important to me. I felt like the pain was necessary to honor his life. But that’s just not true. It’s crucial to remember that acceptance is not about forgetting; it’s about honoring your journey and embracing the future with your loved one’s memory as a cherished part of you.
Part 3 and the conclusion of our series will post next week.
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