What People Don't Understand About Widowhood (part 5)

The Things That Still Surprise Me About Grief

What 17 Years of Widowhood Has Taught Me

Today it has been 17 years since Jon passed.

Tomorrow would have been our 28th wedding anniversary.

It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at the same time.

I used to think grief would eventually stop surprising me.

I assumed that after enough time had passed, I would know what to expect.

But 17 years later, grief still catches me off guard sometimes.

Not in the overwhelming way it did in the beginning.

But in quieter, more unexpected ways.

The biggest surprise is often how ordinary the moments are.

Sometimes something happens and my first thought is still, "I need to tell Jon about this."

It's usually something small.

A funny story.

A memory that surfaces out of nowhere.

Finding something in his handwriting.

Sometimes it’s something bigger, like Jillian’s graduation from college.

For a split second, my mind forgets.

Then reality catches up.

Those moments don't happen as often anymore, but when they do, they remind me that grief and love are closely connected.

Another thing that surprises me is how grief changes over time.

In the beginning, grief felt like a tidal wave.

Everything was affected by it.

Every holiday.

Every birthday.

Every ordinary day.

Now grief feels more like an unexpected visitor.

Most days are full and meaningful. Then a memory, a date, or a conversation will bring Jon to mind.

Not with overwhelming sadness.

Just with remembrance.

I've also been surprised by how grief shows up around milestones.

Watching my children grow into adults has been one of life's greatest blessings.

But there are moments when I wish Jon could see them.

When Jillian graduated from college, I thought about how proud he would have been.

As Josiah moves closer to graduation, I find myself thinking the same thing.

Grief often shows up in the places where love would have naturally been present.

Psalm 56:8 says, "You have kept count of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?"

I love this verse because it reminds me that God sees every part of our grief.

The early tears.

The later tears.

The tears that come years later when everyone else assumes you're "over it."

None of them are wasted.

Another surprise has been realizing that healing and grief can coexist.

For years, I thought healing meant grief would disappear.

Instead, I've learned that healing means grief no longer controls my life.

I can miss Jon and still experience joy.

I can remember hard seasons and still be thankful for where God has brought me.

I can look back and look forward at the same time.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of all is God's faithfulness.

There were moments in the early years when I genuinely wondered how I would survive.

And yet here I am.

Not because I am strong.

But because God has been faithful every step of the way.

Grief still surprises me.

But so does God's goodness.

And that is a surprise I never grow tired of.

If you have been feeling a off lately — low energy, brain fog, constant cravings, or just feeling depleted — I’d love to invite you to join me for a simple metabolic reset. We’ll focus on simple daily rhythms that support your body and restore steady energy. Nothing extreme, just simple habits practiced consistently. If that sounds like something you need right now, I’d love to have you join us.

You can reach out to me in the comments, or by sending me a message on Facebook or Instagram.