You Don't Have to Make the Most of Every Season

Giving yourself grace when a season of life feels impossibly long

Fall has fully arrived in all its glory here in New Hampshire, and it’s beautiful. The leaves are bright reds, oranges, and yellows, our deck is covered with fallen leaves, pumpkins are everywhere, and the temperature is getting cooler.

While summer is definitely my favorite season (I love being warm), I truly love the seasons we have here.

There is something special about watching the world change around us.

The trees change color. The leaves fall. The days get shorter. Winter comes. Eventually the snow melts, the flowers begin to bloom, and summer returns.

Each season has its own beauty.

But I've also learned that appreciating the changing seasons of the year doesn't mean I appreciate every season of life.

Some seasons of life are hard. Really hard.

And sometimes they last a whole lot longer than we thought they would.

If you've ever lived through a New Hampshire winter, you know what I mean.

Winter can start in October or November and stretch into March. Sometimes April. You can have snow on the ground for months. There are days when it feels like spring is never going to come. You start wondering if you'll ever see green grass again.

That's a little like some seasons of grief.

When Jon died, I knew I was going to be sad. I knew I was going to miss him. I knew there would be difficult days. But I don't think I understood how long some of those difficult seasons would last.

There were times when I thought, Surely I should be doing better by now. Why am I still struggling so much? Why is this still so hard?

Maybe you've thought that too.

Maybe you're tired of feeling tired.

Maybe you're tired of making decisions alone.

Maybe you're tired of missing someone.

Maybe you're tired of anniversaries and birthdays and holidays that remind you of what you've lost.

Maybe you're tired of being the strong one.

Maybe you're just tired.

And when you've been in a hard season for a long time, it can feel like you're supposed to do something about it.

Find the lesson.

Become stronger.

Make the most of the season.

Turn your pain into something meaningful.

Keep moving forward.

But what if you don't have to make the most of every season? What if sometimes you just need to get through it?

I think there is a lot of grace in that.

There were seasons after Jon died when I didn't need another goal. I didn't need to reinvent my life. I didn't need to figure everything out, even though I wanted to.

I needed to get through the day.

I needed to take care of my children.

I needed to make dinner.

I needed to pay the bills.

I needed to go to church.

I needed to sleep.

I needed to cry.

And sometimes I needed someone else to help me with things I didn't have the strength to handle.

There is nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes we think accepting help means we're not strong enough. I've learned that it can actually be an act of humility. There were things I had to learn to do on my own after Jon died, but there were also things I didn't have to do alone.

I could let someone else make dinner. I could accept help with the kids. I could let someone else take care of something around the house. I could tell someone, "I just can't do this today." I could say no.

And I could rest.

Resting doesn't mean giving up. It doesn't mean you're stuck. It doesn't mean you're not trusting God. Sometimes resting simply means recognizing that you are human and you have limits.

God knows that too.

Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

He doesn't say, "Come to Me when you've figured everything out."

He doesn't say, "Come to Me when you're stronger."

He says, Come to Me when you're weary.

That is such a comforting invitation when you're grieving.

You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. You don't have to carry everything yourself. You can bring your exhaustion, your questions, your disappointment, your loneliness, and your tears to Him.

And sometimes resting in the Lord means simply saying, "God, I don't have anything left today. I need You to carry what I can't."

That doesn't mean the circumstances immediately change. The winter may still be there tomorrow. But you don't have to face tomorrow's winter today. You can receive God's grace for today.

That's something I have had to learn over and over again.

Looking back over seventeen years of widowhood, I can see seasons that felt like they would never end.

And yet, they did.

Not always in the way I expected. Not because I suddenly figured everything out. Not because I stopped missing Jon.

The season simply changed.

There were things I couldn't imagine in those early years that eventually became part of my life.

Moving to a new state.

Rebuilding my piano studio.

Making new friends.

Watching my children grow up.

Meeting Heath.

Getting married again.

Creating new memories.

None of those things erased the hard seasons that came before them. And I didn't have to rush through those seasons to get here.

If you’re in a hard season right now, I want you to hear this:

You don't have to hurry.

You don't have to make this season beautiful.

You don't have to find the lesson.

You don't have to prove that you're doing okay.

Give yourself some grace. Let someone help you. Rest when you need to rest. Take care of what needs to be taken care of today and let tomorrow wait. And most of all, rest in the knowledge that God is with you here.

Right here.

Even in the winter.

Fall reminds me that change doesn't happen all at once.

The leaves don't all change on the same day. They don't all fall at the same time. The trees don't suddenly wake up one morning and become bare.

It happens gradually.

And maybe our lives are sometimes like that too.

A hard season may last longer than you expected. It may feel like winter has settled in and isn't going anywhere.

But you don't have to make the most of every season. Sometimes you just need to live through it. And when spring finally comes, you'll know it.

Until then, give yourself grace. Let God meet you where you are. Let others carry some of the weight.

And take today one day at a time.

And eventually, the season will change.

I created a new resource for anyone walking through grief. It's a Grief Journal that helps you process through your loss. You can find it in my Etsy shop here: GRIEF JOURNAL FOR NAVIGATING LOSS