Looking Back and Seeing God's FaithfulnessFinding God's Faithfulness After Loss
After Jon passed, I didn’t know how we were going to make it. There were so many questions running through my mind.
How am I going to be able to do this without Jon?
How can I raise my kids alone?
How am I going to be able to provide for my kids?
Am I going to have to get a job outside the home?
Will I still be able to homeschool, or will I have to put them in school?
Will I be able to stay in my house?
How am I going to manage the house and the cars on my own?
How can I help my kids process what has happened when I can barely hold things together?
This is just the tip of the iceberg. And if you’ve lost your spouse, you know the overwhelming questions that seem to be ever-present.
Even with all these questions, I knew God was faithful and that He would provide. But I didn’t know how. Sometimes the unknown caused anxiety and worry about the future. I wanted to know how everything was going to be taken care of, and I wanted to be able to control the outcome.
But that’s not how God works. He asks us to trust Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
He promises that when we trust in Him, He will guide our steps. He doesn’t always show us what’s next until we’re right before we need to take that step. But He promises to be there and to guide us.
At the time, I didn't know how any of this was going to work.
I couldn't see how God was going to provide. I couldn't see what the next year would look like, much less the next seventeen years.
But God could.
Looking back now, I can see that He was already making a way.
1. God provided for us financially.
My piano studio began to grow.
We qualified for homeschool curriculum scholarships.
God took care of all of Jon’s medical expenses.
We qualified for Social Security survivor benefits.
God knew what we needed, and He made a way.
2. God provided people.
God brought people into my life who helped fill the gaps I wasn’t able to hold together on my own - my parents, family, friends, and church family.
My mom and dad were such a gift as I figured out life after Jon passed. My dad helped me get my finances sorted out, checked on the cars, and made sure things were in good working order. My mom helped with meals, organizing the homeschool room and supplies, and sorting through things that had been neglected while Jon was so sick.
My church family rallied around us and helped with practical needs as they came up. They helped with lawn care, babysitting, house repairs, and maintenance. My friends checked in on me to make sure I was doing okay.
I worried about how I was going to do all of this alone. I didn't realize how many people God was going to bring into our lives.
3. God provided a way for my kids.I was able to continue staying home with my kids and homeschool them. I was able to give them stability when it felt like there wasn’t any and fulfill Jon’s and my desire to homeschool.
God provided friends with kids the same age as mine.
My sister and her two kids visited often, and we would go visit them.
I couldn't give my children their dad back. That is something I could never fix for them. But God gave us what we needed to keep going.
4. God provided a way forward.
We moved four years after Jon passed to be closer to family.
At first, staying with my parents for a couple of months didn’t seem like it was going to be permanent. It was just supposed to be until I could get some counseling and rest.
At the time, I couldn’t imagine leaving our church family or the home that Jon and I had built. But as God worked in my heart and my life, I could feel Him leading us to move.
He used that move to bring healing that I so desperately needed.
And through that move, God also brought someone very unexpected into our lives.
He brought Heath.
Through our new season and our new community, Heath and I met. We just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary, and I am so thankful for the way God brought him into our lives.
Heath has been an amazing husband and father. He has understood that our loss and grief are still part of our story. He has never expected us to forget Jon or leave him behind. Instead, he has helped us move forward while still remembering and honoring the life we had with Jon.
I never could have imagined this part of my story when Jon died. I couldn't have imagined meeting Heath, building a new marriage, or having someone come alongside us who would love my children and understand the loss we had experienced.
But God could.
That's what Proverbs 3:5-6 means to me in a much deeper way now than it did before Jon died.
I wanted to understand.
I wanted to know how everything was going to work out.
I wanted God to show me the entire path.
But He didn't.
He showed me the next step.
Then the next one.
And then the next one.
And when I look back now, I can see that He was directing my path all along.
Seventeen years ago, I couldn't see God's faithfulness the way I can see it now. I was looking at everything I had lost and wondering how we were going to make it.
Now, when I look back, I see His faithfulness everywhere.
Not because everything turned out the way I would have planned it.
It didn't.
There were hard years. There were things I had to surrender. There were things I never would have chosen.
But God was there through all of it.
He provided.
He guided.
He carried us.
He opened doors I didn't know were coming.
He gave me strength when I didn't have it.
And He was faithful, even when I couldn't see it.
Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
“Great is your faithfulness.”
Looking back, I can say that with confidence.
God was faithful then. God is faithful now. And I can trust Him with whatever comes next.
I created a new resource for anyone walking through grief. It's a Grief Journal that helps you process through your loss. You can find it in my Etsy shop here: GRIEF JOURNAL FOR NAVIGATING LOSS
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