Moving Forward After Losing Your Spouse (part 9)

Building a New Life One Small Decision at a Time

How small decisions can help you move forward after loss

When Jon died, I couldn't imagine what my life was going to look like.

I couldn't imagine getting through the next week, much less the next seventeen years.

I didn't know how I was going to raise my kids without him. I didn't know how I was going to provide for them, manage our home, make all the decisions, or figure out what came next.

I certainly didn't know that someday I would move to a different state, build a new piano studio, make new friends, get married again, and watch my children grow into adults.

I couldn't see any of that.

And maybe that's one of the hardest things about losing your spouse. Your entire future changes in an instant, but you don't get a new map showing you where to go from there. You just have to start walking.

As I look back, I can see I didn't build a new life through one big decision.

I built it through hundreds of small decisions.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

One decision at a time.

In the beginning, some of those decisions were very small.

Get out of bed.

Take a shower.

Make dinner.

Pay a bill.

Take care of the kids.

Go to church.

Answer the phone.

Accept someone's help.

There were days when those things didn't feel small at all.

When you're grieving, just getting through the day can take everything you have. You don't need to have your whole future figured out. Sometimes you just need to make the next decision in front of you.

That was something God had to teach me.

I wanted to know what was going to happen. I wanted to know how I was going to provide for my children. I wanted to know if we would be okay. I wanted to know where we would live, what our future would look like, and how I was supposed to do all of this without Jon.

But God didn't show me the whole path.

He showed me the next step.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”

I have understood those verses very differently over the years.

I used to think trusting God meant He would show me where I was going.

Now I understand that sometimes trusting God means taking the next step without knowing where the path will lead.

I had to make decisions without knowing what those decisions would eventually become.

I decided to continue homeschooling my children.

I decided to build my piano studio.

I learned to manage our finances alone.

I accepted help from family and friends.

I made the decision to move closer to family, even though leaving our home and church family was incredibly difficult.

I went to counseling.

I made new friends.

I slowly became willing to consider what life might look like in a new season.

And eventually, that included meeting Heath and building a new marriage and family life.

I couldn't see any of that when I was sitting in the early days of grief. I was simply making the next decision.

Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”

A lamp doesn't light up the entire road. It gives you enough light to see where you're standing and where you need to step next.

I think that's often how God leads us through grief. He doesn't always show us the whole path because we aren't ready to walk the whole path yet. He gives us enough light for today. And sometimes tomorrow brings a little more light.

Then the next day.

Then the next.

Eventually, you look back and realize you've traveled much farther than you ever thought you could.

That's what happened to me.

The little decisions I made over the years became a life. Not the life I had planned. Not the life I would have chosen. But a life that held things I never could have imagined when Jon died.

There was healing.

There were new friendships.

There was a new community.

There were new experiences and new memories.

There was a new marriage.

There were children who grew up.

There were things I learned about myself that I never would have discovered otherwise.

And there was a deeper understanding of God's faithfulness.

None of those things erased what I lost.

I still miss Jon.

I still have moments when grief catches me off guard.

There are memories, dates, places, and milestones that remind me of what should have been.

Moving forward didn't mean those things stopped mattering. It meant I learned how to carry them with me.

That's something I hope you understand if you're grieving the loss of your husband.

You don't have to know what your life is going to look like. You don't have to make huge changes. You don't have to have a five-year plan. You don't have to be excited about your future. You may simply need to make one small decision today.

Maybe it's getting out of bed.

Maybe it's accepting someone's help.

Maybe it's making the phone call you've been putting off.

Maybe it's making a decision your husband used to make.

Maybe it's taking care of something you've been avoiding.

Maybe it's getting back into a routine.

Maybe it's allowing yourself to laugh again.

Maybe it's taking a step toward something new.

Whatever it is, don't underestimate the importance of that small step.

Small decisions become habits. Habits become routines. And over time, those small things begin to shape a life.

You may not be able to see it yet.

I certainly couldn't.

But God can.

He knows what you cannot see. He knows the people you haven't met yet. He knows the doors that haven't opened yet. He knows the places He will lead you. And He knows the strength you will need when you get there.

You don't have to figure it all out today. Trust Him with the next step. Then take it.

And when tomorrow comes, take the next one.

Looking back after seventeen years, I can see that God was faithful through every step. Some steps were easy. Some were painful. Some were decisions I never wanted to make.

But He was there through all of them.

I didn't move on from Jon. I didn't leave him behind. I carried his memory, his love, and the life we shared with me as I continued walking forward. And somewhere along the way, I realized that moving forward wasn't one big moment. It was hundreds of small decisions made over many years.

It was learning to trust God when I couldn't see what was ahead.

It was taking the next step when I didn't know where it would lead.

It was allowing God to build something new while still carrying the love and loss of what had been.

And that's what moving forward can look like.

Not knowing the whole path.

Just trusting God for enough light to take the next step.

One small decision at a time.

I created a new resource for anyone walking through grief. It's a Grief Journal that helps you process through your loss. You can find it in my Etsy shop here: GRIEF JOURNAL FOR NAVIGATING LOSS