The People God Sends to Help Carry YouAccepting Help After the Loss of a Spouse
After Jon passed, I was so overwhelmed at the thought of doing life without him.
He was my person, my best friend, and we worked well together as a team. When he died, that was all gone.
I was suddenly alone.
All at once, decisions were solely mine that had once been shared. Responsibilities for things Jon used to handle were now mine. In the midst of fresh, intense grief and becoming a single parent, I now had responsibilities for things I had never imagined I would have to handle alone.
I had to get the oil changed in the cars.
Make sure the tires were safe for winter.
Mow the lawn.
Make sure the heating oil was filled.
Find someone to replace the shingles that blew off the roof.
Remember to change the smoke detector batteries.
Fill the water softener with salt.
Pay the bills.
The list went on and on.
It was overwhelming.
And honestly, I wanted to be able to handle it all. I wanted to be independent and self-sufficient. I didn't want to need someone else to help me. I wanted to appear like I had it all together, even though I didn't.
But God had another plan.
He designed us to live in community. He designed the body of Christ to work together, with each person bringing different gifts and abilities. And during one of the hardest seasons of my life, I got to experience what that looked like.
My church family rallied around me and took care of so many needs, including some I didn't even know existed.
Before I even had to ask, a friend organized meals. She was so thoughtful about it that she had people drop the meals off at her house, and then she would bring them to me. She knew that having a constant stream of people showing up at my door might be overwhelming, so she found a way to help without adding another burden.
A friend who had helped Jon finish the upstairs of our house regularly checked on things after Jon died. He would notice what needed to be done and simply take care of it.
Other people came alongside me and took care of my lawn.
They watched my kids.
They helped with car maintenance.
They checked on my house.
They helped with things I didn't know how to do.
And some simply came over and gave me the opportunity to have an adult conversation.
Those things may sound small, but when you're grieving, they aren't small.
They are enormous.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
That's exactly what I experienced. People helped carry my burdens when I couldn't carry them by myself.
And sometimes, accepting that help was harder than actually doing the task.
I had to humble myself and admit that I couldn't do something.
Or that I didn't know how to do something.
Or that I simply didn't have the capacity to handle one more thing.
Asking for help meant admitting that I wasn't fine.
And I wasn't.
But here's something I've learned since then:
Needing help doesn't mean you're weak.
It means you're human.
And sometimes God answers our prayers for strength by sending someone to help carry what is too heavy for us.
We often think of God's provision as something tangible. A financial need is met. A door opens. A difficult situation changes.
But sometimes God's provision looks like a friend showing up with dinner.
A neighbor mowing your lawn.
Someone taking your children for an afternoon.
A friend making a phone call you don't have the energy to make.
Someone sitting beside you while you cry.
Someone remembering an anniversary that everyone else seems to have forgotten.
These people became God's hands and feet to me.
And I didn't always recognize it in the moment.
At the time, I was simply trying to survive. But looking back now, I can see God's fingerprints all over those years. He knew exactly what I would need. And He often provided it through people.
I think sometimes we resist accepting help because we believe we should be able to do everything ourselves. But that's not how God designed us.
We weren't created for isolation. We were created for community.
And grief can be incredibly lonely. You can be surrounded by people and still feel completely alone in your loss. That's why the people God places around us matter so much.
If you don't have a church family right now, I want to encourage you to find one.
I know that can feel overwhelming, especially when you're grieving. Walking into a new church when you're already feeling vulnerable can be intimidating. But don't underestimate the importance of having people around you who will walk alongside you.
Look for a church where God's Word is taught, where you feel welcomed, and where people genuinely care about one another. You don't have to walk in knowing exactly where you fit or what you need. Just start showing up.
God can use those people in ways you can't even imagine right now. They may not be able to take away your grief, but they can help make the burden lighter. They can pray with you, sit with you, encourage you, and sometimes step in to help with the practical things that feel overwhelming.
You were never meant to carry all of this alone.
They don't take away the grief.
They can't fix the loss.
They can't bring our husbands back.
But they can help us carry the weight.
They can stand beside us when our legs are shaking. They can remind us that we don't have to figure everything out today. And sometimes, they can help us take that next step when we don't have the strength to take it alone.
If you're a widow in a season where everything feels like too much, please don't be afraid to let someone help you.
You don't have to have the perfect words.
You don't have to know exactly what you need.
And you don't have to prove that you can do this alone.
Let someone mow the lawn.
Let someone bring dinner.
Let someone watch the kids.
Let someone sit with you.
Let someone carry a piece of the burden.
Because sometimes, the help we receive isn't just help.
It's one of the ways God reminds us that He has not forgotten us.
Sometimes the people He sends to help carry us become some of the most beautiful parts of our story.
As I slowly began to rebuild, I discovered something important:
Starting over didn't mean starting from scratch.
That's what we'll talk about in the next blog post.
If you’re walking through loss—or know someone who is, here are three resources I’ve created specifically for grief:
HOPE IN THE MOURNING: A 30 DAY JOURNAL FOR THE GRIEVINGGRIEF TO GRACE MINI GUIDE: 5 GENTLE STEPS TOWARD HOPE
These resources can be used separately or together as a beautiful set. Whether for yourself or as a thoughtful gift, my prayer is that they bring encouragement and hope.
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