Through all of this, I continued to read my Bible, pray, and I was asking the Lord to deliver me from this intense grief and exhaustion, but it felt like God was so distant. I didn’t know how to close the gap.
I am not very good at opening up and sharing the deep struggles I am going through, especially with my family, but I was so desperate for help that I called my Dad a couple days after my dream. I told him about my dream and explained everything that had been going on and sobbed on the phone. It was like a dam that broke, as it all rushed out.
Dad, in his wisdom said that this was a heart issue, that I needed to give up my control over to God. I remember agreeing with everything he said, but I told him I didn’t know how to do that. He knew how much I had been struggling, even though I hadn’t shared a lot, and he and Mom invited the kids and I to come down and stay for a month or two, so I could get some rest and help.
At first, I hesitated. I was afraid that if I left, I wouldn’t come back. I didn’t want to leave my church or the home that Jon and I built, so I talked with some friends to get their thoughts about it. Each one told me to go. That it was more important to find healing than to stay where I was stuck.
So, we did. The next week, I packed up the kids and myself, and we headed to NH. My kids had the flu, I was exhausted, but I remember feeling so relieved that I didn’t have to try to do it on my own anymore.
That first Sunday here at Calvary, my Mom and I tag teamed for SS and church because the kids were still sick. I went to SS, Mom went to church. The Lord knew exactly what He was doing and had designed my Dad’s SS lesson just for me. During SS, my Dad was teaching from Colossians 1:3-5:
“We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of your love for all the saints; because of the hope which is laid up for you in heaven, As he began to speak, I took notes as fast as humanly possible. I was so thirsty for answers and relief. I had felt hopeless for so long, and I longed for relief. God used that SS lesson to speak life back into my weary spirit. God’s Word, and my Dad’s teaching was a balm to my soul, reminding me that I have a reason for hope. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like winter was beginning to come to an end.
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