Being a widow is a journey that I never anticipated I would experience. I don't know why God chose to put me on this path, but I do know that He has been with me every step of the way. I want to share some surprising things that I have discovered along the way, and if you are experiencing these things too, know you are not alone.1. It won’t always feel this intense.
The shock of fresh grief can be incredibly heavy. It consumes your entire being. But it won’t always feel like this. I wish I could give you a timeline, but everyone’s grief journey is unique to them. But I can tell you that over time, the intensity will ease.
2. Grief sneaks up on you at unexpected times.
An anniversary, birthday, holiday can all be triggers for grief. But sometimes grief takes you by surprise - a smell, a commercial, a reflex to call your deceased spouse. Grief is not linear. It ebbs and flows and sometimes shows up out of the blue. This is completely normal, although I know it can be unanticipated.
3. It’s OK to be happy.
You’re not betraying your late spouse by being happy. Finding comfort in things you enjoy will help you as you process your grief. It eases the constant sadness and gives you a glimmer of hope.
4. God will restore your hope.
Come to Him and give Him your mess. You don’t have to have it all together - He will take your grief, your anger, your depression, your frustration, your overwhelm and replace it with hope, joy, peace and give you a renewed life
5. It’s possible to find love again.
It took me a long time to be ok with this. I had no desire to be married again, and I guarded my heart very closely. I didn’t want to go through the agony of losing someone again. But God had other plans. He softened my heart and brought me a man that supports me in my grief and isn’t threatened by my late husband. He helps and encourages me to keep Jon’s memories alive and loves me through my mess.
6. Finding love again doesn’t mean you stop grieving.
I thought when I got married again that I would stop grieving. It took me by surprise that I could be so in love with my new husband and still grieving my late husband. Grief doesn’t stop because you’ve moved forward into a new life. But in this new beginning, God gives you a fresh start, someone to support you in your journey, and a new perspective that can help you continue to navigate your grief.
7. Grief will happen.
No amount of busyness and ignoring your feelings is going to make the grief go away. Grief WILL happen. You might delay it for a bit, but that doesn’t serve you. The grief will be waiting, and it becomes harder to process the longer you put it off. My advice - let it happen, and lean on God through your grief.
8. Friends who sit with you in your mess are priceless.
Surround yourself with people who don’t try to fix things or rush you through your grieving process. Find friends who listen and love you as you are.
9. Moving forward doesn’t mean you're forgetting.
Just because you are moving into a new phase of life, doesn’t mean you are forgetting your late spouse. Your memories and love of your late husband will always be with you, and you won’t forget. Move forward at your own pace, and know those memories will always be with you.
10. Moving forward takes time.
Don’t let anyone rush you or push you into a season you’re not ready for. You will know when you’re ready for the next step, whatever that is. God will comfort you and show you what He has planned for you, and it will be more than anything you could imagine.
Hugs, my friend. This is a journey, not a quick trip. There will moments of sadness and tears and times of joy. Lean into those times of joy and know that the sorrow won't last forever. God promises that "Weeping may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning" (Ps. 30:5b)!
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