The Dangers of Denial
The danger becomes when we get stuck in denial. We don’t move through this stage and onto the next. Staying in a state of denial may look like:
- Becoming so busy with other things that you don’t have time to process your grief.
- Pretending your loved one is simply away on a trip and will be coming back.
- Refusing to talk about your loved one who has died or even saying their name.
- Minimizing your relationship to the person who has died and the pain you’re feeling.
- Speaking to your loved one who has died in the present tense.
- Self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, or food.
I remember experiencing grief and more specifically denial when Jon was first diagnosed with cancer. I couldn’t believe my 29 year old husband had cancer and tried to explain it away, saying that the doctor made a mistake.
After Jon passed, denial was evidenced by my busyness and putting on a good front when I was around people. I wanted to be able to “handle it”. I kept busy, so I wouldn’t have to face the reality that he really wasn’t coming back, and I was alone.
The truth was, I knew I was alone, and I knew Jon wasn’t coming back, but I didn’t want to experience the pain and grief of losing him. I filled my time with good things, but they ended up not being good things because it delayed my grief and exhausted me.Looking back, I can see that I minimized the pain I was feeling. Maybe not in words, but in my actions. I wasn’t honest about how hard it was being a widow and single mom, and instead would put up a front of having it all together. I looked for ways to turn the attention off my widowhood and poured myself into serving at church, homeschooling, teaching piano lessons, and many other things.
Most people don’t realize they’re in denial. I certainly didn’t. I thought I was handling my grief well. I was keeping things together (or so I thought) and continuing on with life.
Unfortunately, I got stuck in some toxic thought patterns and habits that caused my grief to stall, as you’ll see as we continue with this series.
Part 3 will follow next week. Feel free to subscribe, so you get notified when the next post is available.
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