Learning to Walk AgainHow to Take the Next Step After Losing Your Husband
When I lost Jon, I not only lost my husband, my best friend, the father of my children, I also lost our future together. I lost our goals and dreams. I lost the man I was going to grow old with and retire with. I lost trips we wanted to take, projects for our house we were thinking about, and family moments we would never have. I lost watching him walk our daughter down the aisle, helping our son buy his first car, and having grandbabies together.
Losing a spouse is so much more than the loss of a person. It’s also a loss of everything that person meant in your life. You were a team working together for a purpose, and when that is suddenly gone, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from underneath your feet. You’ve lost your balance, and you have no idea how to get it back because the one who kept you balanced is now gone.
How are you supposed to recover from that?
How do you move forward when you can’t even figure out how to move at all?
How do you plan for a future when you can’t even figure out how to plan the next day?
Moving forward can feel impossible.
I remember feeling like I was frozen in time. Everything was moving in slow motion. I couldn’t even think about my life without Jon, much less make any sort of future plans or goals.
I’m not here to give you five simple steps or to tell you that it’s going to be easy, because it’s not.
Moving forward is hard, it takes work, and it can feel overwhelming. But moving forward isn’t about making huge plans or figuring out what your life will look like five or ten years from now.
Sometimes it's about this moment.
This minute.
This one small step.
And this is where trusting God becomes so important.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
When you are grieving, you probably don't have any idea what the path ahead looks like.
And that's okay.
God doesn't ask you to have it all figured out. He asks you to trust Him. He doesn't ask you to know every turn the road will take. He doesn't ask you to plan out the next ten years. He simply asks you to trust Him with all your heart and allow Him to guide your path.
Psalm 119:105 says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
I love the picture of a lamp for our feet.
Not a spotlight shining miles down the road.
Not a map showing us exactly where we're going.
A lamp for our feet. Just enough light to see the next step.
Sometimes that's all we need.
Maybe your next step is taking a shower. Maybe that's all you can manage today.
Maybe it's paying one bill.
Making one phone call.
Putting one load of laundry in the washing machine.
Making dinner for your kids, even if dinner is chicken nuggets and french fries.
Maybe it's getting outside for ten minutes.
Or maybe your next step is simply getting out of bed and starting your day.
It doesn't have to be:
Clean the entire house.
Take the car for an oil change.
Go grocery shopping.
Pick the kids up.
Make dinner.
Answer all the emails.
Figure out the finances.
And somehow hold everything together.
You don't have to do everything today. You don't even have to know how you're going to do everything eventually.
Just take the next step.
One small step is still movement.
And sometimes, those tiny steps are what eventually carry us much farther than we ever imagined we could go.
Looking back, I can see how God did this for me. I didn't know what my future was going to look like after Jon died. I couldn't see the path ahead. I certainly couldn't have imagined the life I have today.
But God could.
He knew the steps I would take.
He knew the people He would bring into my life.
He knew the places He would lead me.
He knew that eventually I would move closer to family, begin to heal, and slowly build a new life.
I didn't see any of that at the time. I just took the next step. And then another. And then another.
That's what moving forward often looks like after loss.
Not giant leaps. Not having everything figured out. Not suddenly feeling strong and confident about the future.
Just putting one foot in front of the other and trusting God to meet you there.
Some days you'll walk confidently. Some days you'll barely be able to move. And some days you may feel like you've fallen down all over again. But even then, God is there. He is not asking you to run a marathon today. He's giving you enough light for the step that's right in front of you. So if you're struggling to figure out what comes next, don't worry about the whole path. Ask God to show you your next step.
Then take it.
And tomorrow, you can take another. Little by little, step by step, God will lead you forward. And you may be surprised one day when you look back and realize just how far He has brought you.
And you may also realize that you didn't take all of those steps alone.
Along the way, God often brings people into our lives to help us carry what feels too heavy to carry by ourselves. Sometimes they come alongside us for a season. Sometimes they stay for years. Sometimes they help in big, tangible ways, and sometimes their simple presence is enough to remind us that we aren't alone.
I can look back on my own journey and see so many people God placed in my life at exactly the right time.
In the next post, I want to talk about those people, the ones God sends to help carry us when we don't have the strength to carry everything ourselves.
If you’re walking through loss—or know someone who is, here are three resources I’ve created specifically for grief:
HOPE IN THE MOURNING: A 30 DAY JOURNAL FOR THE GRIEVINGGRIEF TO GRACE MINI GUIDE: 5 GENTLE STEPS TOWARD HOPE
These resources can be used separately or together as a beautiful set. Whether for yourself or as a thoughtful gift, my prayer is that they bring encouragement and hope.
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