Seasons of Grief and God’s Faithfulness (part 1)

Why Grief Feels Heavier in Certain Seasons (When Your Body Remembers)

This has been a long winter.

And if you live in New England, you know how it can feel like it will never end. The gray days stretch on, the cold lingers, and you start to wonder if spring will ever actually come.

But for me, March has felt heavy in a different way.

For a while, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I would just notice it—feeling off, more emotional, more tired, a little foggy. Like I was carrying something I couldn’t fully name.

Until I remembered.

Eighteen years ago, Jon spent the entire month of March in the hospital, going through intense cancer treatments. Every day was long. Uncertain. Heavy with decisions and fear.

One year later, March came again—and this time, he was getting sicker and sicker, and we didn’t know why. There were no clear answers, just a slow decline that didn’t make sense. And no matter what the doctors did, he kept getting worse.

And then there’s March of 2013 when I hit one of my lowest points. It had been nearly 4 years since Jon had passed.

I wasn’t sleeping. My anxiety was constant. Depression had settled in deeply, and everything felt dark and overwhelming. Even though a few years had passed since Jon died, the weight of everything I had carried finally caught up with me. My body was exhausted. My mind was exhausted. My heart was exhausted.

Looking back now, I can see that March holds a lot of layers for me.

Not just memories—but experiences my body lived through.

My mind doesn’t want to relive those moments anymore. I’ve worked through so much of that grief. I’ve healed in so many ways.

But my body still remembers.

It remembers the hospital rooms.

The long days.

The responsibility of holding everything together.

The fear.

The loss.

And sometimes, without warning, those memories surface—not always as thoughts, but as feelings.

If you’ve walked through deep loss or trauma, you probably understand this in a way that’s hard to explain.

You can be “doing well”, and still have moments, or even whole seasons, where something feels heavy again.

Not because you’re going backward.

But because your body is remembering what it carried.

This March felt heavier than usual for me. And honestly, I’m not entirely sure why. But instead of fighting it or pushing through, I’ve been trying to respond differently.

I’ve been holding my family a little closer.

Leaning more intentionally on the Lord to carry what feels heavy.

“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

And I’ve been caring for my body in simple, gentle ways.

Not in a strict or pressured way. Just paying attention.

Nourishing it.

Keeping steady rhythms.

Giving it what it needs.

Because even in hard seasons, our bodies still need care.

And maybe even more so.

I’ve also found myself reaching out more—to others who have walked through loss. There’s something about being reminded you’re not the only one who feels this way that brings comfort.

If March—or any season—feels unexpectedly heavy for you, I want you to know this:

You’re not doing anything wrong.

Your body may simply be remembering.

And instead of pushing past it, maybe this is an invitation to slow down, to care for yourself gently, and to let God meet you right there.

He sees what you’ve carried.

Even the parts you don’t always have words for.

If you have been feeling a off lately — low energy, brain fog, constant cravings, or just feeling depleted — I’d love to invite you to join me for a simple two-week reset. We’ll focus on simple daily rhythms that support your body and restore steady energy. Nothing extreme, just simple habits practiced consistently. If that sounds like something you need right now, I’d love to have you join us.

You can reach out to me in the comments, or by sending me a message on Facebook or Instagram.