Ways I Lower My StressI used to think stress was unavoidable.
Part of adulthood.
Part of motherhood.
Part of widowhood.
Part of rebuilding.
Life felt heavy, so of course I felt stressed.
But over time, God helped me see something I hadn’t noticed before.
Some stress was inevitable.
But much of it was self-imposed.
Not intentionally. Not foolishly. Just habitually.
I had been living as though everything was urgent. Everything mattered equally. Everything required my immediate attention.
And that way of living was exhausting.
Slowly, I began building simple rhythms that lowered the noise — not by controlling life, but by creating margin.
1. Margin in My Schedule
The first shift was leaving white space.
Buffer time between appointments.
No back-to-back commitments.
Fewer “yes” responses given too quickly.
Margin feels inefficient at first. But what I’ve learned is that margin is where peace lives.
God made it clear to me that I was trying to do too much, trying to please too many people, and I was doing it in my own power, not His.
God made it clear to me that I was trying to do too much, trying to please too many people, and I was doing it in my own power, not His.
When I listened to His quiet prompting and created some breathing room in my schedule, my nervous system could settle down.
I no longer rush from one thing to the next, arriving already depleted. I move slower. I transition better. I respond instead of react.
White space isn’t laziness.
It’s wisdom.
2. Learning to Say No
There was a season after my husband passed when I realized something had to give.
I could not do everything.
I could not show up for everyone.
I could not carry every need.
I could not maintain every expectation.
Grief made that clear.
God also showed me that I was struggling with a fear of man. I didn't want to let anyone down, but I was more concerned about other's needs and expectations than about how God wanted me to use my time.
Saying no felt uncomfortable at first. I worried about disappointing people. I worried about missing opportunities.
But every time I said no to something that drained me, I was saying yes to stability.
Yes to healing.
Yes to capacity.
Yes to sustainability.
Yes to what God had for me.
Yes to what God had for me.
And that made a big difference.
3. Walking to Process
In this season, walking has become more than just about exercise, but also about processing my emotions.
When stress builds, I walk.
Not to burn calories.
Not to track steps.
But to decompress.
The rhythm of walking helps untangle anxious thoughts. It gives my body a safe way to release what it’s holding. Sometimes I pray. Sometimes I think. Sometimes I just breathe.
Movement helps me continue forward — even when circumstances feel complicated.
4. Napping When I’m Depleted
There was a time when I believed pushing through exhaustion was necessary. Now I know better.
If I am depleted, I rest. Well, most of the time.
A short nap in the afternoon gives me the capacity to continue on with my day without the urgency that stress creates. Rest lowers stress hormones. It reduces inflammation. It protects long-term health.
Rest is not indulgent.
It’s stewardship.
It is far easier to lower stress before burnout than to recover after it.
5. Creating a Calm EnvironmentI also try to create a calm environment to help regulate my stress — soft lighting, worship music, and essential oils diffusing in the background.
Certain scents signal calm to my brain - lavender, cedarwood, citrus. They create a gentle shift in the atmosphere of my home. It’s not dramatic. It’s subtle.
But subtle shifts add up.
When my environment feels grounded, I feel grounded.
6. Realistic Expectations
If I’m honest, this is the heart of it all.
So much of my stress came from expectations I placed on myself.
The perfect house.
The perfect homeschool day.
The perfect ministry.
The perfect healing timeline.
Eventually, I realized perfection was a moving target. And I was exhausting myself trying to reach it.
Lowering my expectations didn’t mean lowering my standards.
It meant embracing reality.
Doing what I can.
Releasing what I can’t.
Trusting God with the rest.
Casting my cares on the Lord and leaving them there helps me let go of things that are not mine to be concerned about. Much of my stress comes from things that are out of my control, and when I let God handle those things, there is so much peace.
Peace grows where pressure decreases.
And most of the time, the pressure we feel isn’t coming from God — it’s coming from expectations we were never meant to carry.
When I began lowering the noise, guarding my margin, and honoring my limits, my stress didn’t disappear overnight. But it softened. And that created space for deeper healing.
I don't do any of this perfectly, and at times I still allow stress and worry take over. But when I pause, and begin to let go of control and expectations, I can feel myself unwinding.
Once stress begins to settle down, you start to see how closely it’s connected to your physical well-being too — which is why next, I want to share the simple rhythms that support my health.
If you’re walking through grief and need a quiet place to process, I have created resources specifically for you in my Etsy shop, HOPE & HARMONY PAGES. These three digital printables work on their own and hand in hand with each other:
30 SCRIPTURE CARDS FOR GRIEF. If you know someone these might encourage, I would be honored if you’d share these resources—and my blog—with them.
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