Our thought life has a big influence on how we respond to situations, it affects our feelings and emotional well-being, and impacts how we view our circumstances. We have thousands and thousands of thoughts each day, and many of them are negative. As a widow, I have found that in the intensity of grief, my thoughts tend towards despondency, leaving me feeling stuck, overwhelmed and inadequate.
It’s easy to look to books on grief, self-help and mindset, and while those are not bad in and of themselves and can be helpful at times, they can become a worldly replacement for where our focus really should be, and that is on Christ. He is the only one who can truly help us change our destructive thought patterns.
Read more...Did you know...
- Only 5% of widows in the US are under 40? I was 33 when I was widowed.
- Young widows often have small kids, and life is overwhelming. Grief often gets put on the back burner until it gets too big to ignore.
- Single parenting is different as a widow. You don’t get a break like you do in a two parent household or a divorce situation. You have to intentionally carve out time without your kids.
- Young widows need support, community, encouragement, and love. We feel like we don’t fit in anywhere.
I don't normally post more than once a week, but today is the anniversary of Jon's passing, so I thought it would be appropriate to reflect on the changes that have occurred over the years.
It’s been 15 years since Jon passed. SO much has happened in 15 years.
Read more...Continuation of six tips that helps me navigate depression:
3. Stay Connected: Reach out to friends and family, even when it feels difficult. Continue or start going to church and let someone know how you’re struggling. Isolation can deepen depression, while connection fosters healing.
4. Set Small Goals: Celebrating small victories, like doing the dishes or eating a meal, can provide a sense of accomplishment and hope.
5. Find Meaning: Engage in activities that honor your loved one’s memory. This could be volunteering for a cause your loved one supported or creating a scrapbook of your memories. My daughter and I planted flowers at my late husband’s grave one summer, and it was not only a way to honor him, but it also helped her find a measure of comfort by doing something for Daddy.
Read more...As I stopped being so busy, I unintentionally began isolating myself, which only compounded my anxiety and depression. I felt like I shouldn’t still be struggling so much. It had been nearly 4 years since Jon passed, and I thought I would have been past this point. Those feelings contributed to my depression because I was putting expectations on myself instead of leaving those things in the Lord’s hands. The Lord finally got my attention and made it very clear that I needed to get some help. My kids and I moved in with my parents for a couple of months, and while there, I started getting counseling. During counseling, God showed me the unhealthy thought patterns and destructive behaviors I was holding on to, and slowly He helped me let go of those and deepened my trust in Him. He helped me release control of my life and leave it in His much more capable hands. During that time, God made it clear that we needed to move closer to family. We moved from Maine to New Hampshire into a little house just down the street from my folks, which was a big step in my healing journey.
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