When It Feels Like God Is SilentWhere is God when you're grieving?
“Where is God when you're grieving?”
It's a question almost every widow asks at some point.
Sometimes we don't say it out loud because we're afraid of what it means.
If God feels silent, does that mean I don't have enough faith?
Maybe I haven't prayed enough.
Maybe I haven't read enough Scripture.
Maybe I haven't trusted Him enough.
Maybe if I just did more, He would finally show me what to do.
I've been there.
After Jon died, I went through some very dark valleys when it felt like God wasn't there.
I struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time. During this season, I was reading my Bible. I was praying. I was trying to understand what God was doing and trying desperately to trust Him in the middle of it.
But God seemed silent.
The God I loved and trusted wasn't showing me the way out.
It was the hardest season of my life.
And when you're hurting that deeply, it's easy to turn inward.
Why me?
Why did Jon have to die?
Why am I struggling so much?
When is this going to end?
I was still grieving deeply, and it felt like there was no relief in sight.
And then there was the spiritual guilt.
I felt like I should be trusting God more.
I should be doing better.
I should have more faith.
But here's what I've learned:
God's silence does not mean God's absence.
There are times when God feels incredibly far away, but that doesn't mean He has moved.
Psalm 13 is one of the passages that has helped me understand this.
David cries out,
"How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?"
Those aren't the words of someone who doesn't have faith. They're the words of someone who is hurting and doesn't understand what God is doing.
And this same Psalm ends with David choosing to trust in God's unfailing love, even before anything had changed:
“But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.”
We don't have to pretend we're okay when we're not.
We don't have to hide our questions from God.
We don't have to perform our way back into His presence.
He already knows what we're feeling.
He knows when we're angry.
He knows when we're afraid.
He knows when we're exhausted.
And He knows when we're wondering where He is.
Psalm 46:2 says,
"Therefore we will not fear, though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea."
Everything around us can feel like it's falling apart. Our world can be shaken. Everything familiar can disappear.
And yet God remains.
He is still our refuge.
He is still our strength.
He is still God.
I couldn't see that very clearly in those early years after Jon died. I didn’t know what God was doing or where He was leading me. I just knew I was hurting.
But looking back now, I can see His hand in places I couldn't see it then.
He was guiding me, even when it felt like He was silent.
He eventually brought me to a place where I realized I couldn't keep doing everything on my own. He led me to the end of myself.
And from that place, He began opening doors.
He led us to move closer to family. He provided people who could help carry the burden. He gave me the opportunity to get counseling.
And slowly, He began restoring my hope.
At the time, I couldn't see how any of it fit together. I certainly wouldn't have chosen that path for myself.
But God was working. He wasn't absent. He was leading me through the valley.
Sometimes we want God to show us the entire path before we take the next step. I know I did.
But sometimes He only gives us enough light for the next step.
And sometimes, we don't understand where that step is taking us until we look back years later.
That's what happened for me.
I can look back now and see that God was faithful even when I couldn't feel Him.
He was faithful when I was overwhelmed.
He was faithful when I was depressed.
He was faithful when I didn't understand.
He was faithful when I couldn't see a way forward.
And He is still faithful today.
Seventeen years later, there are still difficult days. There are still moments when I miss Jon deeply. But grief doesn't consume me the way it once did. And when I look back at those dark years, I don't see a God who abandoned me.
I see a God who carried me.
A God who gently led me when I couldn't see where I was going.
A God who used people, circumstances, counseling, family, and even painful seasons to slowly restore my hope.
If you're grieving right now and God feels silent, I want you to know this:
You haven't failed.
You don't need to strive harder to earn His attention.
You don't need to pray the perfect prayer.
You don't need to have enough faith to make Him come closer.
He is already there.
Even when you can't feel Him.
Even when you don't understand.
Even when you don't know what the next step is.
He is there.
And He is still working.
You may not be able to see what He's doing right now.
And that's okay.
You don't have to see the whole path.
You just have to trust that the One who holds you knows where He is leading you.
And sometimes, moving forward begins with simply believing that God is still there, even when He feels silent.
In the next post, we'll talk about what happens when you finally realize you have to take the next step, even when you don't feel ready.
If you’re walking through loss—or know someone who is, here are three resources I’ve created specifically for grief:
HOPE IN THE MOURNING: A 30 DAY JOURNAL FOR THE GRIEVINGGRIEF TO GRACE MINI GUIDE: 5 GENTLE STEPS TOWARD HOPE
These resources can be used separately or together as a beautiful set. Whether for yourself or as a thoughtful gift, my prayer is that they bring encouragement and hope.
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